


Ill-fitted

by evil_brainmate



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-11 15:33:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7898152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evil_brainmate/pseuds/evil_brainmate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of one-shots previously posted only to my tumblr. Each one will have a summary in the notes at the top with relevant tags, pairings, and prompts. Most of them are fluffy nonsense, except for the fourth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Confection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hartwin fluff featuring cupcakes for @meetingyourmaker’s birthday. No warnings apply.

Harry is a man of many talents. He’s knowledgeable in theater and music. He speaks a multitude of languages. He’s a proficient marksman with any gun. He can even fence, if pressed.

A pâtissier, however, he is not.

His personal culinary failings aside, Harry’s pretty sure frosting isn’t supposed to be this difficult; especially when all the YouTube videos make it look so quick and easy. But as opposed to soft, round layers or enticing swirls, he’s only managed a few lopsided lumps and smeary blobs.

It doesn’t help that JB is constantly underfoot, attempting to assassinate Harry and make off with the malformed cupcakes. Though, that might be Harry’s fault, as he is solely responsible for the dogs rather…rotund form. He should really work on his resistance to begging.

JB paws once again at Harry’s legs, chops smacking hopefully as he stares up at Harry with huge, soulful, brown eyes.

Harry is able to resist for all of fourteen seconds before he gives in and offers the dog a dollop of icing. JB is only too happy to lap up all traces of the sugary glob from Harry’s fingers.

“Y’know, keep that up and he’s gonna end up diabetic,” Eggsy huffs as he leans against entry to the kitchen.

Fortunately, Harry doesn’t jump or shriek at having been caught unawares. The only reaction that belays his surprise is the twitch of his hand, which squeezes a stream of frosting from the piping bag across the floor. JB snuffles joyously as he gobbles up the mess, while Eggsy watches on in amusement.

Harry scrambles to his feet and hides the piping bag and his army of misshapen pastries behind him. “You’re home early.”

“Uh huh,” Eggsy says with a nod. “What’s with the guilty face? Besides tryin’ to kill my dog.”

“Nothing! And JB is fine,” Harry sputters, and Eggsy gets a predatory gleam in his eyes as he closes in on Harry, backing him up against the counter.

“That so?” Eggsy asks just before his hand shoots past Harry and snatches up one of the cupcakes.

Eggsy blinks down at the treat in his hand; his thumb accidentally buried halfway under the frosting in his haste.

“Cupcakes?” Eggsy laughs.

Harry sighs and closes his eyes waiting for the ridicule. “Go ahead and get it out of your system. I know they’re hideous.”

“Yeah, they are. Picked up a sudden interest in bakin’?”

“Hardly,” Harry snorts. “You mentioned you wanted sweets recently, so…”

When Harry deigns to look at Eggsy, Eggsy is gazing right back up at him, looking a little starry eyed.

“So, cupcakes?” Eggsy asks.

“Cupcakes _were_ attempted, yes. I think I should’ve gone with store bought.”

“You made me cupcakes,” Eggsy laughs, his voice tinged with a little wonder.

There’s a soft thump as Eggsy drops one of the cupcakes in question and pulls Harry down for a kiss, fingers smearing a bit of frosting against his cheek.

It’s only when Eggsy finally pulls away some time later that Harry realizes they’ve been a little overzealous, and half of the cupcakes have tipped over onto the counter. Eggsy seems entirely unconcerned though as he licks a smear of frosting from Harry’s cheek and grins against Harry’s lips when he goes in for another sugary kiss.

Harry supposes it doesn’t much matter what they look like after all.


	2. First Impression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hartwin smut featuring virgin!Eggsy for @eggsytrash.
> 
> Relevant tags: Handjobs, first time

Everyone always seems to think he’s a prostitute. He knows what people think about where he’s from, and everyone knows he’s got a record. No one ever seems to think twice about implying that he’s either selling something or himself. But Eggsy ain’t done none of that, yeah? Because maybe he just didn’t wanna be a dad by the time he was sixteen. And then, well then he was outta school and didn’t really wanna hook up with some dead beat. And maybe Eggsy feels like a bit of a deadbeat himself with nothing to offer a nice girl or boy.

And then he enlists. The marines is just a simmering pot of sexual tension, and repression, and a bunch of guys who will deny anything ever happened, and Eggsy wants his first time to mean something.

When he goes back home he doesn’t really think about it much. He’s too busy taking care of his baby sister and trying to stay out of trouble. Too bad trouble’s always finding him and he’s got a spiteful mischievous streak a mile wide.

So he steals a car. It’s kind of funny how when he’s sitting in that police station, part of him is worried about his family, but part of him is more concerned about what happens to pretty boys in prison.

It’s all for naught though, because Eggsy doesn’t have to worry about prison today. Instead, he gets picked up by the fittest bloke he’s ever seen. And sure, he’s pissed that Harry rattles off all his faults like the weather report, but it sticks with him a little that Harry doesn’t imply anything. Never suggests that Eggsy worked a corner even though he’s never had a job.

He ends up falling a little bit in love when Harry beats the shit out of Deans goons for chatting shit that Eggsy had heard his whole life. The idea that this man, although he might not approve of Eggsy’s choices, feels a need to defend his honor. Makes Harry seem a bit like a knight in shining armor really.

And then Eggsy finds out Harry is a knight of another sort.

Eggsy goes through his training; acts rough and lewd around Charlie and the like because that’s what they expect. He lies through his teeth and layers on false bravado when they get their NLP test, because yeah he knew spies had to do the dirty for the job sometimes, but he’d rather been hoping it wouldn’t be so soon.

It’s an immense relief when he finds himself tied to the tracks instead. It’s less of one when he realizes he’s going home with Harry.

He doesn’t really know what to do, running high on adrenaline, endorphins and eventually gin. Sharing Harry’s space and breathing in his scent everywhere in the house. He’s halfway to finding the nerve to just maul Harry, but he’s afraid. What if Harry doesn’t want someone inexperienced? People always chat shit about guys that don’t have experience. How obviously they just couldn’t attract someone. How terrible they’re going to be in the sack. And well, no one considers that maybe his virginity meant something to him.

Harry seems to notice something’s off though, and when he asks if Eggsy is alright, Eggsy just can’t seem to find his words. Instead, he tentatively slips a hand to the back of Harry’s neck and pulls him into a kiss. It’s not particularly skilled or mind blowing because Eggsy hasn’t actually kissed a lot of people. Just other kids on a dare back in school, and the occasional drunken stranger. Harry doesn’t seem to mind in the least. Rather, he pulls Eggsy closer to him, adjusts the angle so their lips mesh together perfectly and he is so so gentle when he teases Eggsy’s lips with his own.

Eggsy feels completely undone when Harry nips softly at his bottom lip and he gasps as one of Harry’s hands slide down his back to his bum. Harry takes advantage and slips his tongue against Eggsy’s, coaxing and teaching and rewarding him with a squeeze of his hand and Eggsy is a little overwhelmed.

He breaks away from the kiss, panting and flushed and painfully hard in his trousers.

“Harry… I-That is… I’ve never,” and Eggsy can’t seem to stop tripping over his thoughts because he doesn’t want Harry to stop, but he’s not sure if he’s ready for what will obviously happen if they keep going.

“It’s alright. We don’t have to do this,” Harry says, and Eggsy is pretty sure that’s the exact opposite of what he wants right now.

“No, I mean we can… I don’t know. I’m just not ready for well… everything right now.”

And Eggsy must have said something right, because Harry gives him the fondest smile and pulls Eggsy with him back towards a rather comfortable looking chair. Harry takes a seat and hooks his hands behind Eggsy’s thighs, pulling gently until the younger man catches on and settles onto the chair in Harry’s lap, knees on either side of the man’s hips. Harry pulls Eggsy into another series of lingering kisses and Eggsy can’t help himself when his hips rock forward and he feels Harry’s hard cock against his own through their clothes.

And Eggsy is able to churn up a little bit of boldness to reach down and brush his fingers over Harry’s length through his trousers. Harry sighs into Eggsy’s mouth at the contact but makes no move to rush him and let’s Eggsy explore at his own pace. Instead, he runs his hands up Eggsy’s sides, over his chest and collar bones, down his spine showing Eggsy all the things that one can do to elicit pleasure elsewhere. Eggsy is nothing if not a quick study and he abandons Harry’s cock in favor of a more thorough exploration, though he will come back to it later.

Eggsy spends the next several minutes learning Harry’s body through his clothes for now, not quite ready for either of them to be exposed tonight, but Harry is patient with him. Harry does a bit of exploration of his own planting kisses up and down Eggsy’s neck and jaw, his hands roving over the younger man’s body. Eventually, Eggsy finds himself rutting against Harry again and his hands are shaky and nervous as he reaches down and unzips Harry’s trousers and the man seems to be on the same wavelength because next thing Eggsy knows Harry’s large hand is wrapped around the both of them, stroking and sliding as Eggsy can’t help but roll his hips in time, breath shuddering at the feeling of Harry’s length against his own.

Eggsy doesn’t last long and the lingering anxiety of disappointing Harry comes back as Eggsy releases all over Harry’s fingers and cock, but Harry seems undeterred as he comes a few strokes later.

Eggsy wants to say something, a smart quip, anything. His throat seems stuck though. He needn’t bother though because a moment later Harry gives him another soft kiss.

“You were perfect,” Harry says without needing to be asked.


	3. Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hartwin pre-slash silliness written for the prompt: "Eggsy can't find his pants"
> 
> Warnings: Civilian AU

Eggsy isn’t a stranger to waking up in strange places after a night out, but this is by far the nicest bed he’s been in in a while. It’s too bad he has to get up and do the walk of shame. He could happily stay in this bed for at least a year.  
  
He peels his eyes open, rubbing the grit from the edges and wincing at the morning light. When he finally adjusts to waking he notices there’s something familiar about this place, even though he’s pretty sure he would remember being somewhere this nice before.  
  
There’s a glass of water and some pills on the nightstand and Eggsy downs both before he crawls out of bed with a groan. His skull pounds and stomach rolls but he’s good after a minute. Well, good enough to try and get out of here anyway. Going by the fact that he’s alone in the room and his boxers are still on, he assumes he didn’t have an ill advised hookup. He finds his jacket is on the floor by the bed, but no sign of his shirt, or his trousers for that matter. He kneels down and peeks under the bed, but finds nothing there, not even dust bunnies. Eggsy searches through the bedding and has no luck there either.

It seems as though half of his clothing just vanished.

Eggsy grabs his jacket and cautiously opens the door to see if he didn’t leave his pants elsewhere. The rest of the apartment is just as nice as the room he was in. High quality furniture, if a bit old fashioned, and expensive mementos litter the space and Eggsy subconsciously tries to curl in on himself for fear of accidentally breaking something.

“Good morning,” someone says, and Eggsy flails a bit in surprise and flinches at the resulting banging in his brain.

“Uh… Morning,” Eggsy replies and hates himself a little more when he realizes why the place looks familiar.

“You’re Eggsy, right?” asks the ridiculously attractive neighbor that Eggsy has been pining over since he moved in.

“Yeah. Harry, innit?” Eggsy asks and folds his jacket over his arms, trying to have some semblance of decency in the other man’s presence. “Sorry, I must’ve had the wrong apartment and not even known.”

“No, you had the right one, but you lost your keys. I bumped into you in the hall last night and invited you in.”

An awkward silence settles between the two of them and Eggsy finally asks, “You wouldn’t happen to know where my trousers went, would you?”

Apparently, that’s the wrong question to ask because Harry’s face turns bright red and he pointedly looks away from Eggsy for a moment.

“You—er—weren’t wearing any.”

“Oh my god, I am so sorry!”

“I did however hang up your dress.”

“Dress?” Eggsy asks, and Harry walks past him into the room Eggsy stayed in and sure enough, there’s a cute blue sundress hanging in the closet.

“I assumed it’s not actually yours and didn’t want it to get too badly wrinkled,” Harry explains. “In the meantime I probably have some sweat pants and a t-shirt that might fit you. Also, your phone is charging on the nightstand.”

Eggsy glances over and sees his phone is in fact on the table and somehow he hadn’t even noticed. Harry starts searching through the nearby dresser and finds some clothes which he hands over before leaving Eggsy to get dressed. Eggsy isn’t really sure why the man bothers seeing as Eggsy’s been more or less naked in front of him this whole time. Regardless, he gets dressed and checks his phone only to see a dozen or so texts from Roxy along the vein of “ARE YOU ALIVE?!” along with a bunch of snaps of him in that dress.

Eggsy fires off a quick text to Roxy. _Why am I wearing your dress?_

A moment later he gets a reply, followed quickly by another.

_Good morning to you too! Idk you wouldn’t take it off tho.  
_ _Also have your shoes. You left them here saying they wouldn’t match._

_Can you bring me my keys today, please?_

Eggsy sighs and pockets his phone before he ventures out to find Harry in the kitchen making tea.

“Sorry. I don’t make a habit of this, I swear,” Eggsy says as he leans against the counter a few feet from Harry. Honestly, he just wishes the ground would swallow him up here and now. “I’ll be out of your hair as soon as the office opens and someone can let me in.”

“That’s probably for the best. I’d rather you were sober the next time I have you in my bed,” Harry replies.


	4. All of Your Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He never expected twenty plus years of _something_ to end so… quietly.
> 
> Warnings: emotional infidelity, angst, not a happy ending, merlahad, hartwin (endgame)

They’d never been official, it’s true. No rings, no vows. Sentimental declarations were few and far between; trivial things in their line of work. They left little evidence but a few powers of attorney and amendments to wills for the sake of necessity. That and the incidental detritus of a life sometimes shared in brief moments. Still, he never expected twenty plus years of _something_ to end so… quietly.

No, that’s a lie. This thing between him and Harry ended in a series of events: with the crunch of metal and squeal of tires on tarmac, a phone’s ringing, the loud bang of a gunshot. He just hadn’t been listening.

Eggsy was a brilliant, talented, beautiful young man, who was charming enough that it made it difficult to hate him, even if Merlin initially dismissed his candidacy as byproduct of Harry’s guilt. A last ditch effort to absolve himself of Lee’s death. But in time, Eggsy proved himself as something more than the final page in a chapter of Harry and Merlin’s lives.

No, Eggsy was the loose end that had been picked at until the entire garment unraveled.

Harry had been unashamed in his pride as Eggsy excelled at his training, and that pride turned to open fondness. In hindsight, Merlin doesn’t know how he missed the early signs. After all, who would know Harry in love better than he? Or the fact that he hadn’t seen Harry in love for quite some time before Eggsy came along. It was there for all to see; they didn’t even have to look that hard. The constant peacocking, the shameless innuendo, the fond smiles and warm looks. In retrospect, Merlin hardly blamed an affection starved boy for basking in the attention when he didn’t know Harry well enough to grasp that this was non-standard behavior. It didn’t make it hurt any less that Merlin remained willfully blind to it for so long.

It was Harry’s disappointment in Eggsy’s failure that was the wake up call Merlin needed. For all that Merlin could read Harry as if he were freely broadcasting his emotions, Harry _did not_ express disappointment. Annoyance or anger, certainly. Disappointment, however, would mean that someone actually got close enough that Harry entrusted them with his expectations; something he and Harry were careful to never have of the other, given that the sudden death of an agent meant a lot of unfulfilled promises.

Perhaps he’d underestimated Harry’s sentimentality, or his own.

Regardless, it burned like choking on embers.

And then Valentine shot Harry, and there was no time to grieve. No time to be bitter and angry at a clueless child that captured Harry Hart’s heart unchallenged, because somewhere along the way, Merlin lost the means to defend it. No, there was work to be done. ‘Miles to go before I sleep,’ as Frost put it. So, Merlin shoved his anger and grief into the back of his mind and helped Harry’s boy save the world.

He didn’t even get the girl in the end.

Or the man.

Because when they found Harry alive, albeit a bit worse for wear, it wasn’t Merlin’s familiar face that Harry searched for when he woke. Instead, he focused solely on a pair of bright green eyes.

And the embers had long since turned to ashes.


End file.
